I feel like I am having a nervous breakdown..I feel like I am drowning in crap and I can't clear out! I love my little girls very dearly but I am losing my patients and everyone can tell. I have the emotions of a tired pregnant women- no I am not pregnant by the way!- I am feeling tired and anxious that I want to jump up and down and scream at the top of my lungs..I am feeling drained... I need to learn to grow with my little babes so I can learn to tolerate and solve the problems I have with them.
I am so thankful to have my babies and they make me laugh a lot..I also wish I could lighten up and not feel like I am going to explode every single day when my 4 year old will not listen to me and it takes her 2 hours to get dressed and ready for the day and 2 hours to get ready for bed-no matter what i punish her with. Then she starts to cry which makes my little 19 month old cry because her sister is crying which = frustration, anger, crying (me).
Then there is the church thing. I feel like my testimony and faith is being somewhat tested. I believe in the church and I am so very thankful for what I have and what Christ has done for me. I love the feeling that I get when I go to church.. and I know that if I make more time in my life to stop what I am doing and go to the temple it will truly help me.
I love to teach primary and love the little children, love the way their little minds work. I really really wish that my husband would attend with me. Not just because my little 19 month old will not go to nursery since my friend lisa moved, and because she runs around the room playing, screaming, distracting everyone.. I really feel sad when I look at all the cute families with the husbands sitting with their arms around their wives. I really would love to beable to ask my husband for a blessing when I need it. i love my husband very much and appreciate everything that he does for our little family..He is truly a wonderful man! I am also thankful for being able to have been married to him in the temple 8 1/2 years ago.
I really would like to work my frustrations out (reduce the cussing-yes I have started cussing more and I feel crappy everytime) I know that my hubby is getting the brunt of all of this emotional meltdown (or whatever ya call it) that I am having. I would really like to not get so upset when my girls make me get up a few times a night, everynight . I know the time is coming fast that I will not beable to sit and hold them and rock them.
I am writing this and hoping it will be a good stress reliever.
2 comments:
I am sorry you are having such a crappy day. I love ya Ash and if it helps you to know that someone understands the frustrations of being a wife and mother, I am there for you.
Being a mom can be dang hard!!!Some days it is hard just to put one foot in front of the other and go through the motions of what we know we need to do.Moms don't get to always see the immediate results of our efforts, and that can be really discouraging sometimes.If we keep our chins up and stay strong even when we feel weak, I know that someday we will look back and realize how incredible we really were & what a difference we made.
We don't always feel the most appreciated as mothers, but our families would not be doing well without us. Keep that in mind.
You are a great mother and I know your girls love you very much.
I hope your day is much better tomorrow. (HUGS) Call me if you need to talk.
Hugs!!!!! When I first had Danika I struggled (first one is always a doozy, wouldn't ya say?) Anyway I thought people wanted you to have kids to be as miserable as they were. Sounds awful huh but I was in a funk. (probably should have been on meds) anyway I snapped out of it after she was four months old. I'm positive every parent feels this way now and then. Sometimes it's more Now then Then but you are not alone. I didn't know Steve wasn't attending church. Do you have Home teachers? I hope things get better for you. I don't want to make this sound like I know it all (because ...well...I don't) But one thing that has helped me is a class called Love and Logic. It really helped me with behavior problems. Just know your not alone. I'm glad your still going to church and I'm sure having your girls attend with you will show them how important it is to you. I hope your hubby see's that too. Love ya
Post a Comment